Question:
hi everyone, My partner seems to be checking up on me quite a bit and im not even sure why. Im sure that after I have been on the computer he checks what I have been doing. Its just like he doesnt trust me. I really dont know why. I have tried to talk to him but he just clams up. He has even tried introducing porn and I just hate it I only put up with it cos I really love him and want it to work
He certainly sounds like there is no trust, he sounds insecure something he will have to deal with himself, If you hate the porn so much why do you put up with it, because you love him dosn't mean you have to do everything he wants especially if you don't agree with it, that sounds a little more like conrol to me on his part, does he know how you feel about it.
Maybe he thinks you are unhappy and are trying to chat up blokes on the net. He might be relieved if you show him we are a bunch of women.
Do you know if he has had past experiences of Internet dalliances?
I ask that because I had what I considered a rock solid 24 year marriage, only to discover, the hard way, that my ex husband had been having a virtual affair with a person from Canada.
I know that should I ever engage the attentions of another man, I would feel insecure if he should spend a lot of time on the computer.
It sounds to me like he may be a little insecure at the moment, I agree with stormy, invite him to have a look at what you do on the net to put his mind at ease
Yes, invite him to have a look and see if you can get him talking. Say, I know that you tell me nothing is going on, but here are my observations and I think that you have concerns about something.
As for the porn.my partner sometimes looks at it online, and I am not a fan, but as long as I never see it, I am okay with it. He agreed to stop looking at it cause it upset me.but.I just thought long and hard and realized that it really has nothing to do with me so I said if he really wants to, he could. HOWEVER, that being said, if you are uncomfortable, it shouldn't be happening.
Good on you ladies for saying you would put hubbies mind at ease in this situation, it is probably the right thing to do. I on the other hand would make sure there was something for him to find if he was checking up on me . Im not recommending you do this, its just the way i would handle it- wrongly or rightly .
thanks for all your good advice ladies. ill try talking to him tonight. or maybe at the weekend
hi everyone, My partner seems to be checking up on me quite a bit and im not even sure why. Im sure that after I have been on the computer he checks what I have been doing. Its just like he doesnt trust me. I really dont know why. I have tried to talk to him but he just clams up. He has even tried introducing porn and I just hate it I only put up with it cos I really love him and want it to work
wow, this is scary. not only do we have something in common, but we have this in common too!
don't judge me, but i did the same with my fiancee. i am a very insecure person. i've been in a relationship where my ex was talking to girls on the internet, even ex-girlfriends and were lying to be obsessively about it. to the point where he would buy one of the girls lunch at work. luckily, i had his password, caught him in the act, and got my heart broken. on top of that, my father left when i was 11. he had an affair.
i do this with my fiancee, not hoping to find something unimaginable, but it makes me feel safe. that's what i need.i need to feel safe. it does have to do with trust, which we're working on at the moment, but it's hard to when i have a ring on my finger and hope that nothing like that would ever happen to me. i know i can't prevent it from happening, but if it does i should just say screw it! by me trying to prevent it, it just causes us to fight. he knows i used to check it and he'd be very upset with me. other times i checked it, because we have communication problems and i felt that if i looked through his e-mails i can see what's going on with him. he's almost always on the computer! i'd find out details about the kids, him, etc. i just wanted to be involved and treated as his fiancee, and nothing less.
we recently got in a fight because i found old web sites he used to go to. one was a forum, the other is a ratemybody site.so corny! but it got me mad. the forum had gore in it, along with general discussions, and porn. i can't stand porn either! when i confronted him about it on monday, we had a huge fight to the point where he called the wedding off. i was furious! he said he was bored and for giggles he went on the sites. instead of him telling me he was a part of these sites for years, before i came in the picture, he automatically blew up on me to the point where i felt that he was hiding something.
i get scared. i'm absolutely scared of everything. but i can't live in a corner all my life. if it happens, it happens. i haven't found anything yet, but of course information that i thought i should know, along with these web sites. i don't see a purpose to look through his stuff and haven't since our fight, even though it's been only 4 days. i need to start trusting him and knowing that our love is real.
does he have a reason he's acting this way?! my reasons might not be good enough, but my fiancee proved to me so many times that i should trust him. i know he wouldn't hurt me in any way. you might want to check on his past-like how my ex was talking to these girls. 7 in all to be exact. and definitely invite him in. make sure he knows that you're not hiding anything. as long as you're both open and have great communication, there's nothing to worry about. i should take my own advice on the previous sentence! let me know how everything works out.
Hi natalie7584,
Why didn't you tell me that yor partner has been checking up on you what you have been doing on the computer. Maybe that has something to do with what we were talking about on msn the other night. We can talk more about it the next time we speak on msn if you wish OK.
sehyang.
Answer:
He certainly sounds like there is no trust, he sounds insecure something he will have to deal with himself, If you hate the porn so much why do you put up with it, because you love him dosn't mean you have to do everything he wants especially if you don't agree with it, that sounds a little more like conrol to me on his part, does he know how you feel about it.
Answer:
Maybe he thinks you are unhappy and are trying to chat up blokes on the net. He might be relieved if you show him we are a bunch of women.
Answer:
Do you know if he has had past experiences of Internet dalliances?
I ask that because I had what I considered a rock solid 24 year marriage, only to discover, the hard way, that my ex husband had been having a virtual affair with a person from Canada.
I know that should I ever engage the attentions of another man, I would feel insecure if he should spend a lot of time on the computer.
Answer:
It sounds to me like he may be a little insecure at the moment, I agree with stormy, invite him to have a look at what you do on the net to put his mind at ease
Answer:
Yes, invite him to have a look and see if you can get him talking. Say, I know that you tell me nothing is going on, but here are my observations and I think that you have concerns about something.
As for the porn.my partner sometimes looks at it online, and I am not a fan, but as long as I never see it, I am okay with it. He agreed to stop looking at it cause it upset me.but.I just thought long and hard and realized that it really has nothing to do with me so I said if he really wants to, he could. HOWEVER, that being said, if you are uncomfortable, it shouldn't be happening.
Answer:
Good on you ladies for saying you would put hubbies mind at ease in this situation, it is probably the right thing to do. I on the other hand would make sure there was something for him to find if he was checking up on me . Im not recommending you do this, its just the way i would handle it- wrongly or rightly .
Answer:
thanks for all your good advice ladies. ill try talking to him tonight. or maybe at the weekend
Answer:
hi everyone, My partner seems to be checking up on me quite a bit and im not even sure why. Im sure that after I have been on the computer he checks what I have been doing. Its just like he doesnt trust me. I really dont know why. I have tried to talk to him but he just clams up. He has even tried introducing porn and I just hate it I only put up with it cos I really love him and want it to work
wow, this is scary. not only do we have something in common, but we have this in common too!
don't judge me, but i did the same with my fiancee. i am a very insecure person. i've been in a relationship where my ex was talking to girls on the internet, even ex-girlfriends and were lying to be obsessively about it. to the point where he would buy one of the girls lunch at work. luckily, i had his password, caught him in the act, and got my heart broken. on top of that, my father left when i was 11. he had an affair.
i do this with my fiancee, not hoping to find something unimaginable, but it makes me feel safe. that's what i need.i need to feel safe. it does have to do with trust, which we're working on at the moment, but it's hard to when i have a ring on my finger and hope that nothing like that would ever happen to me. i know i can't prevent it from happening, but if it does i should just say screw it! by me trying to prevent it, it just causes us to fight. he knows i used to check it and he'd be very upset with me. other times i checked it, because we have communication problems and i felt that if i looked through his e-mails i can see what's going on with him. he's almost always on the computer! i'd find out details about the kids, him, etc. i just wanted to be involved and treated as his fiancee, and nothing less.
we recently got in a fight because i found old web sites he used to go to. one was a forum, the other is a ratemybody site.so corny! but it got me mad. the forum had gore in it, along with general discussions, and porn. i can't stand porn either! when i confronted him about it on monday, we had a huge fight to the point where he called the wedding off. i was furious! he said he was bored and for giggles he went on the sites. instead of him telling me he was a part of these sites for years, before i came in the picture, he automatically blew up on me to the point where i felt that he was hiding something.
i get scared. i'm absolutely scared of everything. but i can't live in a corner all my life. if it happens, it happens. i haven't found anything yet, but of course information that i thought i should know, along with these web sites. i don't see a purpose to look through his stuff and haven't since our fight, even though it's been only 4 days. i need to start trusting him and knowing that our love is real.
does he have a reason he's acting this way?! my reasons might not be good enough, but my fiancee proved to me so many times that i should trust him. i know he wouldn't hurt me in any way. you might want to check on his past-like how my ex was talking to these girls. 7 in all to be exact. and definitely invite him in. make sure he knows that you're not hiding anything. as long as you're both open and have great communication, there's nothing to worry about. i should take my own advice on the previous sentence! let me know how everything works out.
Answer:
Hi natalie7584,
Why didn't you tell me that yor partner has been checking up on you what you have been doing on the computer. Maybe that has something to do with what we were talking about on msn the other night. We can talk more about it the next time we speak on msn if you wish OK.
sehyang.