Question:
Hi, I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice or words of wisdom. I have been married for 5 years now and desperately want a baby. My husband knows but says (very sensibly) that we should wait util we are more financially secure and until we own our own home. I do kind of agree with him, but mostly my head and heart just tell me that I really really want to have a baby now. Do I just sound really selfish and unreasonable? How can I get mysef to calm down about this all? I appreciate any advice! Thank you, Liz
You will never be ready if you are waiting until you are financially secure. Hey life happens and people always find ways to fit the little person in!
I agree with you. but how can I convince my husband?
Wow . I agree with Josie!
I have no idea how you can convince him though. I was fortunate in that we'd discussed a time frame when we wanted to start trying for children so we were both pretty much on the same page from the start.
Can you compromise? Maybe ask him to identify something tangible (I know 'buying a house' is tangible but it's enormous - and depending on how close you are to that goal, may not even be realistic to wait until then). Maybe you can agree on an amount you'll save first, or a specific time frame. Or you could try putting your feelings into a letter and letting him read it and respond to it in his own time (less confronting than a face to face conversation, when he might feel he has to be on the defensive).
Money and owning a house is something you can do later, but the opportunity to have children isn't there forever.
Wow . I agree with Josie!
I have no idea how you can convince him though. I was fortunate in that we'd discussed a time frame when we wanted to start trying for children so we were both pretty much on the same page from the start.
Can you compromise? Maybe ask him to identify something tangible (I know 'buying a house' is tangible but it's enormous - and depending on how close you are to that goal, may not even be realistic to wait until then). Maybe you can agree on an amount you'll save first, or a specific time frame. Or you could try putting your feelings into a letter and letting him read it and respond to it in his own time (less confronting than a face to face conversation, when he might feel he has to be on the defensive).
Money and owning a house is something you can do later, but the opportunity to have children isn't there forever.
Ditto.
I hope it all works out for you Liz.
Thankyou Naomi, I wasn't sure what kind of advice I was going to get here, but wow, that is really good! I love my husband so very much, and absoutely respect where he's comming from - because he's not being completely unreasonable about my feelings. He's recently just starting with a new career so things are going to be tight for awhile, plus he is going to have to be away for a bit, so I know I have to wait until things calm down again - I'm just terrified of waiting too long you know? He can be just as subborn as myself. So, to make sure he knows what's going on in my head I am going to write that letter - I just hope I don't scare him away from the whole idea altogether.
Well what's the worst case scenario - you have nine months to start saving and working out how you can make it work. If he loves you and respects you then at least he will be willing to listen to your feelings on the subject. Good luck.
You might even have more than 9 months if you don't get preggers straight away
Liz,
He has an awful lot on his plate at the moment, a change of career is a big thing and with money being a tad scarce, he could well be scared of the prospect of parenthood and all it entails financially.
Having said that however, he should be aware and willing to understand your feelings too.
You stated that you knew you should wait for things to settle down.a few more months is not going to affect your ability to have children.
Maybe hit him with the letter towards the middle of the year.
I allways see these things differently now. I was talked into waiting for a baby by my ex. We waited and then I couldn't fall pregnant. I tried from the age of 30 until 36 before I had my beautiful son. I just wish I could have just had a baby like most people. Many, many trips to the clinic to get pregnant. I became obsessed and could think of nothing else. My boy is the best thing to happen to me in my life. My ex has gone but I still have my boy with me. If I had waited even longer my ex would be gone and I would be childless now.
I just think when a woman thinks she needs a baby then she is very ready to deal with a child and can manage anything that comes along.
Answer:
You will never be ready if you are waiting until you are financially secure. Hey life happens and people always find ways to fit the little person in!
Answer:
I agree with you. but how can I convince my husband?
Answer:
Wow . I agree with Josie!
I have no idea how you can convince him though. I was fortunate in that we'd discussed a time frame when we wanted to start trying for children so we were both pretty much on the same page from the start.
Can you compromise? Maybe ask him to identify something tangible (I know 'buying a house' is tangible but it's enormous - and depending on how close you are to that goal, may not even be realistic to wait until then). Maybe you can agree on an amount you'll save first, or a specific time frame. Or you could try putting your feelings into a letter and letting him read it and respond to it in his own time (less confronting than a face to face conversation, when he might feel he has to be on the defensive).
Money and owning a house is something you can do later, but the opportunity to have children isn't there forever.
Answer:
Wow . I agree with Josie!
I have no idea how you can convince him though. I was fortunate in that we'd discussed a time frame when we wanted to start trying for children so we were both pretty much on the same page from the start.
Can you compromise? Maybe ask him to identify something tangible (I know 'buying a house' is tangible but it's enormous - and depending on how close you are to that goal, may not even be realistic to wait until then). Maybe you can agree on an amount you'll save first, or a specific time frame. Or you could try putting your feelings into a letter and letting him read it and respond to it in his own time (less confronting than a face to face conversation, when he might feel he has to be on the defensive).
Money and owning a house is something you can do later, but the opportunity to have children isn't there forever.
Ditto.
I hope it all works out for you Liz.
Answer:
Thankyou Naomi, I wasn't sure what kind of advice I was going to get here, but wow, that is really good! I love my husband so very much, and absoutely respect where he's comming from - because he's not being completely unreasonable about my feelings. He's recently just starting with a new career so things are going to be tight for awhile, plus he is going to have to be away for a bit, so I know I have to wait until things calm down again - I'm just terrified of waiting too long you know? He can be just as subborn as myself. So, to make sure he knows what's going on in my head I am going to write that letter - I just hope I don't scare him away from the whole idea altogether.
Answer:
Well what's the worst case scenario - you have nine months to start saving and working out how you can make it work. If he loves you and respects you then at least he will be willing to listen to your feelings on the subject. Good luck.
Answer:
You might even have more than 9 months if you don't get preggers straight away
Answer:
Liz,
He has an awful lot on his plate at the moment, a change of career is a big thing and with money being a tad scarce, he could well be scared of the prospect of parenthood and all it entails financially.
Having said that however, he should be aware and willing to understand your feelings too.
You stated that you knew you should wait for things to settle down.a few more months is not going to affect your ability to have children.
Maybe hit him with the letter towards the middle of the year.
Answer:
I allways see these things differently now. I was talked into waiting for a baby by my ex. We waited and then I couldn't fall pregnant. I tried from the age of 30 until 36 before I had my beautiful son. I just wish I could have just had a baby like most people. Many, many trips to the clinic to get pregnant. I became obsessed and could think of nothing else. My boy is the best thing to happen to me in my life. My ex has gone but I still have my boy with me. If I had waited even longer my ex would be gone and I would be childless now.
I just think when a woman thinks she needs a baby then she is very ready to deal with a child and can manage anything that comes along.